Just Be Awesome!

So, yesterday I was feeling kinda sad...with saying farewell to the stay-at-home childhood of my now kindergartner and all.  But then I remembered something I once saw and decided that I need to turn that frown upside down.  Check this out...

YES! That's it!  Be awesome instead!

PS.  I love you Doogie Houser!

So I think today I might just be awesome.  That sounds better doesn't it?!

The truth is though that today I've been up to my eyeballs in laundry and that's about all I have been able to handle.  I've been avoiding it since last week...well, folding it anyways.  So, I spent the morning practically buried under piles of laundry at home while Little Bit played around me.  And then we went to the park because it's a pretty day here and I can only take so much housework at once before insanity strikes.

The rest of the day though...awesomeness awaits.  I'm not sure what that looks like, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve too much more laundry or tears over life happening and children growing up.  True Story.

Bye Bye Baby

Get a load of this guy.

That would be my KINDERGARTNER!

Say Wha????

Yes, I now am the proud parent of a very excited kindergartner.  And I can hardly deal with it.

Seriously.

Today when I dropped him off, I walked him in to make sure he knows where to go and all, and I have to admit that I was honestly a little sad when he bounded into the classroom, put his bookbag in his cubby that he found at orientation the other night, and then said "Bye Mama, I love you.  Have a great day!" before walking off to get started with his own day.

I mean, I'm SOOO glad he's happy to go, but this day has been so bittersweet for me.  Today marks the end of an era for our family.  There will be no more lazy mornings save for weekends and vacations.  I will always be heading out in the mornings to take someone to school.  I won't have all my little chicks home anymore every day.  And the reality is that now, an outside source will tell us when we can vacation, where we have to be every day, how to spend parts of our days (especially once homework begins down the road), and how much facetime my children have with one another.  I find myself wondering....am I ready for this for the rest of my life?  My first response is "no."  And if it weren't for some unbelievable generosity of my family to help us pay for a private school that we LOVE, I am pretty sure I'd be dipping my toes into the waters of homeschooling.  Not because I think any one kind of schooling is better than another...I don't, but because I know that there are certain hopes and expectations that for our family are best met in the private christian school where Tid Bit goes.  But I still have to wonder if I'm the mom that could hack it homeschooling.  If I'd still enjoy my kids as much if I was the one who taught them day in and out...and I honestly don't know. 

Tid Bit in particular is wildly social and came home today just gushing about his first day.  He's worn a proud grin on his face since he hopped into the car and told me about his job this week to carry the 911 box in case of emergencies.  He beamed when he told me that "in K5 every day is different because we're big enough to change it up alot."  He's getting big...and he's so loving it.  I do too, but I see my little boy slipping through my fingers as he becomes a man.  When I stopped nursing I felt my hand open over his life, and today, I feel that grip loosening again.  I want to hold tight to these days of young children, even the days I am at my wit's end and throw eggs at the wall and completely lose it...I want to cherish this time of being over tired, under appreciated, and sometimes pushed to the brink of what seems sane.  These days are so much shorter than the days of grown children will be.  I've heard it said that the days may crawl, but the years will fly by....and I'm already seeing that ring true.

So today I said goodbye to a baby and hello to a kindergartner ....and that my friends is an idea that is hard to loosen my grip on.

Pencil Pushing....

Tid Bit is starting kindergarten this year.

And with real school, comes a real school supplies list.  Pencils, markers, crayons, folders, and more. 

Towards the end of this previous school year, we received an option to purchase the school supplies in a pre-assembled package for a fee... that was of course fairly more than if we just went out ourselves and bought them.  My thought..."Why on earth should I pay more for pencils, paper, and folders when it's such a cinch to go to Walmart or Target and buy them myself?!"

Last week I thought we'd head out early one morning to Walmart and get a jump-start on the acquisition of school supplies.  We'd go before everyone else and their brother went, and we'd for sure go before the tax free weekend which will drive the masses in search of the same things on my list and leave me coming up void.  Aren't I clever?  "Preparation is the key to victory," right?  (I saw that clever quote engraved on a gun in a movie we watched about hitmen last night...Jason Statham at his finest.)

Anyhow...turns out I was totally wrong.  When I'd first glanced at the school supplies list it seemed simple enough, but when I got down to purchasing everything, I not only realized that some of the things were brand specific,  they were item number specific.  WHAT?!

Did I mention that my child is starting KINDERGARTEN?!?!

I wandered around Walmart like a lost puppy... with 2 kids who were sick and tired of school supplies shopping and beginning to whine and tire of the whole ordeal....right there with you kids....I'm right there with you!

The school supplies section didn't have all of the school supplies that were on my list...and making sure that I had navy blue (the specified color for some of the items) was proving to be a pain in the tookis too.  I grabbed a package of pencils and tossed them in the cart only to realize that the list specified "black pencil and black eraser Ticonderoga pencils, 4-6pks.)  I searched all over and finally found a man in a suit with a Wal-mart nametag stating "general manager" (so sue me if I sound rude, but they're about the only ones in the whole store who can answer any question I have without taking me on a tour of the entire facility in search of something seemingly basic like a pencil.)  He took me to a whole other section of the store and we found a 10 pk of Ticonderoga black pencils...so I bought 3 packages of 10 to make sure I had at least 24 since 4x6=24 and that was how many I was suppossed to have in the end.  Surely this would work, right?

I found what I could at Walmart, save the "green tipped Crayola No-Drip glue", and the "Smead legal sized expandable poly folder in navy blue" which I apparently could only find at Staples...at least there was a SKU number for this item.  So we paid for our 8 pks of Crayola crayons, and 8 pks of Crayola colored pencils, and standard Crayola water colors, and 1 inch navy blue plastic binder, and other super-specific items, and of course our black erasered Ticonderoga pencils...and we headed for Staples to get the one ultra-specific item for a whopping $16.99, and hopefully find the other things that Walmart didn't have.

I immediately found a manager upon entering Staples and asked about the Smead navy blue legal sized expandable poly folder and the Crayola no-drip green lidded glue.  Her reply, "Staples does not even carry the Smead brand, and I've never even seen that type of glue here."

WHAT?!?!?!

I found a folder that I thought would work for $8.99, and then asked about the black Ticonderoga pencils 6pks.  The manager then surveys my 5 year old and 18 month old in the cart and says "Now what grade is this list for again?  Kindergarten?!"

"Yes."

I found more black erasered pencils...in a 6pk.  These are larger and more triangular in shape and apparently claim to be "The World's most comfortable pencil," and they darn well better be since they were $4.50 for ONE 6 pack.  Our list specifies 4-6pks.

I'm thinking after all of this school supply shopping and $25 dollars worth of PENCILS, that my 5 year old will probably be writing in perfect cursive and complete grammatically correct sentences by the end of K5.  

And if not, then next year I'm buying the pre-assembled package of school supplies for twice the price.

A Bitch and A Flasher

I was totally gonna post another recipe for you today since I've been cooking up a storm lately, but I have to tell you about the drama I experienced last night!

Ok, so first I just have to tell you...I don't care if you have a bad day and maybe if you really are a complete jerk inside...keep it in people.  Save it for your spouse or for your girlfriends' ears.  Don't...I repeat don't get all bitchy in Hobby Lobby with the poor checkout girl who's just doing her job.

Last night I had to run into Hobby Lobby to pick up some floral foam and a couple other random things for the wedding this weekend.  When I came in there were 2 checkout lines...both full, but one definitely longer than the other.  I had the thought..."well, looks like I might have a little bit of a wait checking out, so I need to book it to get out of here at a reasonable time."

When I got everything I needed and came back to the checkout line, I got in the shorter one....duh?!

The checkout girl finished up 2 people in front of me and began checking out the lady directly in front of me.  Then out of nowhere...there's this freakishly rude high pitched voice yelling from 2 aisles over..."Excuse ME!  EXCUSE ME!"

We all look around to see who the heck is being so miserable.  Then we see this lady in the other line waving her arms and yelling at my checkout line girl.  "EXCUSE ME!  Do you see this line over here?!  We have all been waiting in this line much longer than the people in your line.  We have all assumed that YOU were only processing returns and as a result have been waiting for a really long time in THIS LINE!  Not once did you turn around and tell us that you were available for checkout of regular items.  We have all been assuming that you were only doing returns!  This is ridiculous and I am just furious and frustrated.  I have my kids at home and I shop here all the time.  This is absolutely ridiculous!!!"

My checkout girl was stunned (along with everyone else in earshot...which was pretty much the entire freaking store!)  She just said "I'm sorry you assumed that ma'm, but I have been processing both returns and regular checkouts this entire time."

The woman launches in again..."This in unbelievable.  This customer service is atrocious!  As much money as I spend in this store and here you are making excuses for your poor performance.  You could have at the very least told ALL OF US WAITING IN THIS LINE FOREVER that you were available!  You need to do your job...this is absolutely unbelievable.  If I didn't really need these items I'd have left a long time ago.  What a waste of my time!"

My checkout girl looks white in the face and is now shaking she's clearly so angry.  And I couldn't blame her.  She whispers into her walkie talkie to her manager and says "Please come up here...there is a woman freaking out on me and it's making me REALLY angry.  Seriously...come now."

The manager comes up and the tirade continues to the manager.  It gets louder, it gets worse, she's absolutely berating this poor girl who has been working consistently the entire time.  The girl is now checking out my stuff and looks like she's about to burst into tears.  I said to her, "Are you ok?  Do you want me to let your manager know that you haven't done anything wrong?  It's going to be alright."

She says "Something like this could make me lose my job.  I can't afford to lose my job."

The lady is still loudly bitching in the background.  By this point I want to punch her in the mouth too.  I think EVERYONE in Hobby Lobby wanted to punch her in the mouth just to shut it up.  So rude...I can't even tell you.  Un-believable!

I finished checking out and still hear the lady yelling about assuming that the line was just for returns and the incompetency of the girl running the register.  I wanted so badly to walk over and say "Excuse me ma'm...I just wanted to remind you that 'you know what happens we we 'assume' right?!' ....yeah...ass out of you and me.  Remember that one.  Yeah....maybe you should."

But I didn't.  I walked out to my car and put my bags into it.  Then a lady who checked out in the line before the yelling lady came out.  I asked her if it was really all that bad, because to me it didn't seem so and I was concerned about the girls' job security after the rant.  She looks at me and says "Oh...I see.  You're THAT person!  I've had a bad day regardless...I don't really care."  And then she walked off.

WHAT THE CRAP?!  Why is everyone peeing in everyone else's cornflakes?!  Seriously?!  Can't we all just get along?  So I walked back into Hobby Lobby, hid behind the fake flower section til the lady with the spawn-of-satan attitude left, and then went up to the manager and said that I didn't think the checkout girl did a thing wrong.  She thanked me and then I left.  Yeah....I'm THAT person...and that's just fine with me.

So then off I go to take a couple of dresses to a friend to try on for the wedding this weekend.  She and her Hubs are staying in a Residence Inn before a move across the big pond to Europe for a year of work.  They were sitting in the lobby taking advantage of the free happy hour.  I joined them for a beer and some laughs til all of a sudden my friend is completely alarmed and says "OH MY GOODNESS!"  We all lookedei out the window to see an overweigh middle aged man who's wearing no pants get back into his car and speed away.  Who knows how long he'd been sitting there, because we weren't paying attention, but my poor friend got an eyeful of this pervert doing things in public that noone would want to know he did in private anyways.  Then he zoomed away....satisfied with his perversion and violation of people he didn't know I'm sure.  And I wanted to punch him in the mouth too...and kick him in the you know where.

What the heck is wrong with people?!  Unbelievable rudeness and completely disgusting perverts in one night?!

I honestly have no idea what I want to say about any of it other than...don't assume....don't be wretched...and keep your freaking pants on in public.

Makes me want to go be a farmer in remote Virginia and homeschool my kids...and make cans of everything I grow in my organic garden...and make fresh bread every morning after milking the cow to make fresh butter too.  Seriously....we're raising our kids in a rough world and sometimes I wish I could escape it all.  I'm just believing that the Lord is gonna show me how to live well myself and to raise little lights to shine in this dark world.  Because it's dark...and that was all in just an hour yesterday.

UGH!

Cheaters....I am one.

Sometimes I wonder if the title is the dirty little hook that makes more of you come over and read than you normally would?  If so, then I bet your human curiosity jumped you right here faster than normal.

I hate to disappoint you, but I don't have a sordid tale of marital unfaithfulness wrought with awfulness and redemption to tell you.  About the worst side of cheating I've experienced personally was with a boyfriend in college who broke my heart into a million pieces when he told me he'd gotten some other girl pregnant and didn't think it necessary to tell me about it until after the baby was a month old....on Father's Day nonetheless.  I think all I did was cry to realize he'd cheated in the first place and then lied to me for an entire gestational period, but what I've always wished I'd said was "well, Happy Freaking Father's Day to you!"

I didn't say that though.

And I guess the other time I've felt cheating glare me in the face was walking with some friends through an affair that one of them had several years ago.  Next to losing babies, that was maybe one of the hardest things I've walked through in my life.  I do want to add that particular relationship has spent years on the road to beautiful restoration...but I know that the wreckage of cheating can span far and wide.  Our relationships with them, while still hugely precious to me, have never been the same...and that makes me sad.

But today...I am feeling like the big cheater.  And though it can't touch breaking of vows or months of long lies, I'm still feeling really horrible.

I'm having my hair cut by another person today.

I know...I know.  You just read that sentence and are thinking (particularly if you are a man) "Are you freaking kidding me?!  She's feeling guilty because she's having someone new cut her hair today?  Give me a break?!"

It's true though.  I literally woke up in the middle of the night feeling awful.  My friend who has cut my hair since COLLEGE didn't even start out as a friend...she was just the new girl who was good with color and trying to build clientele.  And she got the most loyal of customers out of me til today.  

I've been with this girl since she was a crazy raver with pink streaks in her hair and 4 inch platform shoes to now...and over all these years, she's morphed into the most unbelievable wife and mommy of 2 precious children.  I've gone from wide-eyed college grad to wife and mommy too...and she's walked it all with me.  We went from a couple of hours with foils in my hair to hours on the phone talking about the deeper questions in life.  When she was between salons, there were several occasions where I bent my head into the tub at her apartment and rinsed out bleach and color and foils over a glass of wine and way more time than it really takes to get a cut and color.

And here I am today....cheating.

It's not that I don't love Ang.  It's not that I think someone else will make my head more amazing than she can.  It's that since she's doing and being the thing she needs to be...awesome wife and mom...she only works now on Friday nights and Saturdays.  The truth is, that's just not when I want to get my hair cut.  And sure I'm a little intrigued to see what a new person might think about how to make my head look super cool...because this new person has a sweet sense of style and an adorable little shop downtown that even Ang would have a fit over.  And I'm curious.  And the time frame is more convenient.  And I'm not committing to a full on switch...it's just one cut.

But let's just be honest.  If the cut has for years been as much about the relationship as the actual hairstyle, then why isn't it now?  Why is getting a haircut on a Saturday suddenly inconvenient to me....when i know that once I'm in her chair I'll be glad for every single second of face-time.  And I don't know.  Maybe all the time and space that happens between us makes it harder to give up that precious time with my family all together?  Maybe I just like having Saturdays that are impromptu and unscheduled. Maybe it's "just my hair" and since I colored it back to natural, it's just not something that I want to spend lots of time messing with, so I go 6 months at a time between cuts, and more time and space happens because of it.

I don't know what it is, but I do know this....the relationship still matters to me.  And as with all the relationships in my life that seem to get pushed father aside as children begin to have their own schedules, and their own friends to tend, and vacations push times at home farther apart, and life gets busy....I miss it.  I miss the relationship.   It gets harder to tend something that gets farther and farther apart doesn't it?  And I wonder if I'm just too lazy to put in the time or if maybe I've just become a cheater?

I know it's just a haircut....but is it really?  Or is it really a bigger question in life that we can all ask ourselves and be aware of in friendships, and relationships, and marriage....

How much distance can we tolerate before we cheat?  And what kind of face time are we willing to put in to protect the things and the people who are important to us?  

One thing I find myself thinking is that I'm really glad that God is more faithful than I am.  

Psalm 36: 5 - Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.