Bye Bye Baby

Get a load of this guy.

That would be my KINDERGARTNER!

Say Wha????

Yes, I now am the proud parent of a very excited kindergartner.  And I can hardly deal with it.

Seriously.

Today when I dropped him off, I walked him in to make sure he knows where to go and all, and I have to admit that I was honestly a little sad when he bounded into the classroom, put his bookbag in his cubby that he found at orientation the other night, and then said "Bye Mama, I love you.  Have a great day!" before walking off to get started with his own day.

I mean, I'm SOOO glad he's happy to go, but this day has been so bittersweet for me.  Today marks the end of an era for our family.  There will be no more lazy mornings save for weekends and vacations.  I will always be heading out in the mornings to take someone to school.  I won't have all my little chicks home anymore every day.  And the reality is that now, an outside source will tell us when we can vacation, where we have to be every day, how to spend parts of our days (especially once homework begins down the road), and how much facetime my children have with one another.  I find myself wondering....am I ready for this for the rest of my life?  My first response is "no."  And if it weren't for some unbelievable generosity of my family to help us pay for a private school that we LOVE, I am pretty sure I'd be dipping my toes into the waters of homeschooling.  Not because I think any one kind of schooling is better than another...I don't, but because I know that there are certain hopes and expectations that for our family are best met in the private christian school where Tid Bit goes.  But I still have to wonder if I'm the mom that could hack it homeschooling.  If I'd still enjoy my kids as much if I was the one who taught them day in and out...and I honestly don't know. 

Tid Bit in particular is wildly social and came home today just gushing about his first day.  He's worn a proud grin on his face since he hopped into the car and told me about his job this week to carry the 911 box in case of emergencies.  He beamed when he told me that "in K5 every day is different because we're big enough to change it up alot."  He's getting big...and he's so loving it.  I do too, but I see my little boy slipping through my fingers as he becomes a man.  When I stopped nursing I felt my hand open over his life, and today, I feel that grip loosening again.  I want to hold tight to these days of young children, even the days I am at my wit's end and throw eggs at the wall and completely lose it...I want to cherish this time of being over tired, under appreciated, and sometimes pushed to the brink of what seems sane.  These days are so much shorter than the days of grown children will be.  I've heard it said that the days may crawl, but the years will fly by....and I'm already seeing that ring true.

So today I said goodbye to a baby and hello to a kindergartner ....and that my friends is an idea that is hard to loosen my grip on.