I Should Be More Awesome....an Anniversary Tale

I should be more awesome.

Seriously....couldn't we all use a boost in our personal awesomeness?!

Like today, the 8th anniversary of my nuptials to the Hubs, when he fully woke up the mildly fussing baby at 5:20am by messing with him (instead of changing his soaking wet diaper rapidly and getting the heck out of there,)  I got ticked, waved my hand in the air at my Hubs, said something probably very un-anniversary-like, and marched down the hall to try my darnedest to get said baby back to sleep...so that I could go back to sleep and a few hours later remind myself to be nice the rest of the day.

I could probably use a boost in my awesomeness.

I could be more awesome too if instead of serving up leftovers for dinner, I'd take a trip around the corner to the fancy butcher shop and pick up something more impressive to celebrate.

That awesomeness is still in debate, but probably not likely since the Hubs has a basketball game tonight too.

I'm pretty sure that I could use a boost in my awesomeness.

If I were really awesome though, I'd get a sitter and go watch his basketball game at the gym and grab fun take-out afterwards....but I hate basketball, and the smell of men playing it unless I'm in the nosebleed seats at a massive stadium.

I'm nearly certain that I'm not that awesome either.

It's looking like my anniversary day could use a dose of awesomeness for sure.

But here's what would make me the most awesome of all....to actually honor this stuff....the stuff I said and promised on the day we got married:

I, Logan, take you Jeremy to be my treasured husband.  By the grace of God, I promise to respect your spiritual leadership in our home.  I desire to encourage you in your dreams, and to support you in whatever the Spirit calls you to do.  I commit to walk in step with you, to admire you, to serve you in daily life, and to encourage you in your own walk with Christ as the highest priority.  I desire to create a home where you are respected and esteemed, and I commit to joyfully submit to your authority .  I give you my purity and I promise to be faithful to you, and you alone.  All that I have, and all that I am, i now give to you.  Whatever hardships or joys may come, may I keep these vows and strive towards the perfection of them, til death should part us.

I'm absolutely positive that I'm not always that awesome....but I do think it is pretty awesome that with all of me, I want to try.

Happy Anniversary to the man who married me 8 years ago....despite all of my unawesomeness.

I think God lives in Montana

We made it here yesterday safe and sound.  Uneventful plane rides, well behaved kids, and still a full part of the day to spend once we arrived.  We got to Kalispell at 1:30 and spent the entire afternoon just enjoying the view and exploring around.

View from the porch. That's the Flathead River below and Glacier Nat'l Park in the distance.



Can I just tell you that I have cried like 5 times or more.  The view from just the porch is so majestic I can't even begin to put the words in any sort of order to accurately describe it all to you.  We took probably 100 or more pictures already yesterday and now this morning something weird is going on with our camera.  THIS is not time for an "Error" to be turning up on our camera.  We're hopefully going to see if we can find a camera shop tomorrow and get things checked out.  Cross your fingers and say a prayer for me huh?

Little Bit and I were exploring rocks in a tiny stream yesterday on my aunt's property.  Even just the river rocks are a hundred different colors.  God bothered to color the river stones here.  He is SO creative!  When I see a place like this and I think about my God, I am bowled over by his creative love for me.  He could have made the earth flat and all the same...but he didn't.  He made it stunning.  He made it more poetic than even the poetically inclined.  He made it all for us...just to enjoy.  I am inclined to think though that God might live in Montana...at least he is this week for sure.

I wish I was poetic.  Really...I wish I knew how to weave words that inspire and invoke the emotions that a place like this leaves you feeling.  Breathlessness.

The sun doesn't set til late here and the light coming across onto the mountains is just stunning.  At one point last night there was a rainbow, the valley was illuminated in the most golden light, and I made the comment, "The only thing that would complete this perfection would be if a train came around the bend at this exact moment."

Another view from the porch. The river is just to the left

Not kidding.... "Whoooo....Whooo...Whoooo" off in the distance.  Un-freaking-real!  Check this out.





Really....unreal.

I'm going out to enjoy the day.  Will try to post more later.

- Logan

Now the question lingering in my mind is how on earth do you adequately appreciate thanks to the people providing this opportunity?  This cabin and the 100 acres around it belong to my aunt and uncle.  They are letting us stay.  "Grateful" is a word that falls short this week too.  Words are clearly not gonna cut it this week...let's cross our fingers and hope that my camera will magically fix and that my pictures can describe for you better than my fingers on these keys.

Food for Thought...The Unqualified...

Have you ever thought to yourself...

"I really need to get in shape so that I can go to the gym."

If you've ever been to a gym at a low point in your fitness regime (meaning, you haven't been in ages and your butt is about as flat as the exercise bench...or your belly is about as round and mushy as a Bosu ball)...then I'd be willing to bet that you've seriously considered doing some running for a couple of months and THEN coming back to exercise in the company of others.  

If you've never had that thought, then consider *THIS* the part where I just kicked you in the teeth because I'm jealous of your round butt and flat abs and superior perspective. 

Seriously though, what is it about thinking we have to get ourselves in shape before we can really get in shape?  Or thinking we have to get our lives "on track" before we can even talk to God?

Have you ever been in a place in your life where you thought to yourself... "What a mess I've made.  Once I get things straightened out I'm really going to start praying again....or going to church again....or whatever?"

I heard a really cool thought the other day...

Oftentimes, the very thing that we think disqualifies us for work in the Kingdom of Heaven, is actually our most qualifying attribute.

Most of you know that I have lost 2 babies.  In so many ways, God continues to redeem those losses by allowing me to breathe life into others who are walking a path similar to my own.  The very loss, struggles, and pain...some of my many "disqualifiers"... are some of the things that I continue to find God using most for good as I continue to step forward in my life.  Because I've walked a hard road, I can see some of what that road could look like for other people...I'm aware of a need, and thus I'm more equipped to help meet it.

Maybe you've dealt with addiction and think that keeps you from being worthy of even coming before a perfect God.  Maybe you've horribly wounded a relationship and think that keeps you from being able to pour into others.  What if you had an affair, does that keep you from ever being able to have a good marriage again, or perspective for maintaining a marriage?  Perhaps you have lost a person in your life and think your overwhelming grief for months or years disqualifies you from being able to ever share laughs or joy again.  Maybe you think that your own failure to triumph over anything nullifies your ability to have wisdom for others.  I don't know what your thing is, but we all have something.

"What you are determines what you see...

and what you see determines what you do."

And we all see things differently.  We notice pain in others differently, we notice joy differently, we all have differing perspectives on everything because we've all walked different paths in life.  But our different hardships don't disqualify us from doing good, but rather we are empowered because of wisdom gained from walking through hardships.  When you have walked through a particular fire, you're more equipped to help someone else do it too...and perhaps do it even better than you did.

I don't know, I've been thinking about this for a few days....running back in my mind to my failures, my inadequacies, my struggles...the things that I'd think could get in the way of me living a life that is pleasing to the Lord.  You know...the stuff that I've crapped up.  And I keep noticing the same things as I retrace steps and rethink processes and directions I've taken...I learned something each time, with each thing.  Some good stuff and some bad stuff, but no matter what I learned, I'm more aware of those things in life...in others.  I'm more aware of how to encourage someone, to help someone, to meet a need.  My disqualifiers make me more qualified to overcome than if I hadn't dealt with them in the first place.  I remember a post I wrote some time back HERE, and there was a quote I'd just heard that said...

"You can't overcome something you never underwent."

And I'm reminded of that thought again:  That the things I've undergone make me even more qualified to overcome again...and again...and again...and to be used for great things for God because of them.

I don't have to be fit before I get started on fitness.  I don't have to be perfect before God can use me. Just think of all the time we waste... deferring what could be present greatness as we prepare to actually achieve it in the future.

I'm qualified just as I am for greatness NOW...

and SO ARE YOU.

Glory Babies...Part 1

I loved Mother's Day yesterday.  A day where everyone recognizes moms everywhere for all that we are and all that we do.  It's nice to have a day like that because as much as we all love it, being a mother is hard.

Wanting to be a mother and having difficulty with that, well, that is hard too.  And that is a reality that I can understand as well.

Two years ago on Mother's Day, our church dedicated 33 babies.  33!  That is a lot of babies.  And some of those dedications were of my friends' children.  It was a day of rejoicing in the gift of being a mother and the gift of life.

I cried during the whole thing.

I was happy for my friends, but inside I felt like I was stuck in quicksand all the way up to my neck.  It was the hard-to-breathe kind of cry that you never really want to do at all, much less in public.

Yes, I have 2 healthy children now for whom I'm eternally thankful.  But what you may not realize about me is that I actually am the mother of 4 children.  Two of those children went to be with Jesus before I ever got to hold them.  Hunter and Bess...my babies in heaven.  They have faces that I do not know, and names that the Lord gave me after they were with Him.  They are counted among the people that I have lost in my life.  And with loss comes grief...and eventually with loss comes healing.

This story isn't short, and as I begin to tell you about it, it's not one that is a one post kind of story either.  But it's my story and part of who I am.  I will never be thankful for the loss or the grief, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord has turned what the enemy intended for destruction in my life into something good.

There's just something about being a mother.  And even before you have children, you know that it's special.  Noone has to tell you that there is joy in being a mother for you to know it, or to want it.

Tid Bit was the most normal pregnancy possible.  We got pregnant just 3 months after stopping birth control...easy peasy.  I felt tired when the books said I'd feel tired and I felt energetic when they said I'd have surges of energy.  My appointments were routine, and I learned how to pee in a cup like a champ.  I never went into that office with any doubts or fears about anything...ever during that entire time.  He was born right on his due date and aside from an unplanned but necessary c-section, everything was perfect. 

I got pregnant again in August when he was 16 months old...the very first month off of birth control.

On October 31st, 2007 we bought a minivan.

The Hubs is super tall and even in our spacious Honda Pilot there wasn't room behind his seat for him to drive and to have a carseat with a kid in it.  He sits all the way back and either Tid Bit's legs would be crammed or we didn't have room to have a rear facing carseat behind him.

I never wanted a minivan, but it was the only thing that wasn't a gas guzzler that had enough room behind the driver's seat for mutiple kids.  And in no time, we'd be filling that van up with another.

I finished filling out the paperwork and buying our van after 5pm on that day...and I drove it home expectantly...looking behind me imagining 2 little people in the back.

The next morning I had my 12 week ultrasound.  Everything had been great for the pregnancy.  Things looked normal, the heartbeat at our previous appointment was strong.  I felt tired, but good.

The Doppler on my stomach was having some trouble picking up the heartbeat.  I know that even at 12 weeks, it can be hard to pick up the heartbeat clearly, but when the nurse said "I think it'll be easier to just go to the ultrasound room to check it out," I had a sinking feeling.  A dear friend had just a couple of months before had the same thing happen and everything was fine.  Tiny heartbeats can just be hard to pick up sometimes.

I tried to slow my heartbeat and push the worry out of my mind.  And as I lay back and watched the ultrasound monitor, I didn't see the tiny blinking that I'd seen when I was pregnant with Tid Bit.  Everything on the screen was still....and I knew.

I started to cry before the doctor even said the words "This has just happened in the last 24 hours.  Your baby is measuring 11wks and 6 days.  This JUST happened."

Numbness....

Tears....

Numbness....

And then a walk outside to a minivan I never wanted but thought I needed.

Mother's Day can be hard.  I know.  It reminds you what you want but may not have...or have lost.

I'll tell you more of this story throughout this week.

Tales of a Lesser Woman: Not Eggsactly my Best Moment...

I bet what you're really wanting to read is something profound about Easter right now, or perhaps you are stopping by just because you're hoping that I'm posting pictures of our Easter Egg Hunt yesterday...sorry to disappoint you all...not what you're about to get.  It's been a big weekend full of activity and legitimate emotion over the real meaning of it all.  I'm running on too little sleep, and due to that I had another completely ridiculous temper tantrum last night (I promise you this is not a constant thing with me.)

I was making a batch of brownies at about 9:45pm and was pretty flaming mad about something I won't go into. I was to a step in the recipe that rendered me with an egg in each hand.  If you've been reading here long enough to realize, this is in fact the point where it is appropriate to have the "Uh OH" moment in your mind. Mad...eggs....Uh Oh.

One slipped and fell, but not to worry, I caught it between my stomach and the side of the counter.  I also effectively crushed it right there in that moment, emptying the contents of said egg onto my foot below.  This was apparently my last straw because when my Hubs said something smart to me about it, I got so mad that I threw the other remaining egg at the wall. 

Have I ever mentioned to you how I am so mature all of the time?!  WOW!  And it's still debatable to me what was worse...throwing the egg in a fit of completely ridiculous rage on the wall in my kitchen in the first place, or having to scrub it off 45 minutes later when it was beginning to dry. 

Notes to self:  Do not throw eggs in your house.  Do not be ridiculous.  Get sufficient sleep. 

Sherwin Williams Duration Home paint is scrubbable and washable as advertised though...in case you were wondering.

As I pondered and prayed through my awfulness last night though, I did find myself particularly aware of and thankful for a Resurrected Lord who washes all of that ugliness away.  I'm sure in the realm of sin, throwing an egg in my house is probably not the worst that the Lord has had to deal with....and sad to say, it probably won't be the last time he hears from me with something nasty to confess either.  Sin is sin though...and little or big, mine or yours, it's all in the same bucket of dirty laundry that needs cleaning.  And I for one am thankful to have a Lord who took that cross from me, because heaven knows that mine alone would be a heavy cross to bear....I can't imagine everyone's added up.  That is Love my friends....Capital L.O.V.E. 

So if you are mortified now because you think I'm airing my dirty laundry, well, I suppose you're right in a way.  But I'm airing it only after it's been cleaned.  And my dirty laundry sure was dirty.  But, when The God of Creation looks at me, He sees me in garments that have been cleaned... bleached even.  Not a drop of egg on me friends...or on my wall.  My Father just sees a scrubbed, washed, durable, perfect coat of love covering it all.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. - Ephesians 2:8-9

Whew...thankful for that!

My Easter Basket of Perspective...

Last night I was cleaning the kitchen, picking up small toys around the house, and throwing away random junk in preparation for our Easter party tomorrow.  And I finally stopped about 11pm, at which point I felt that it was wildly necessary or iron and put in place a new dustruffle that I got for our bed about a month ago.  So important, I know right?!  I was busy last night...really busy.  I've got to get this show moving!

One thing I should tell you about me is that once my kids are in bed, I'm done for the day.  If I have something big going on, then I'll spend that time of quiet accomplishing things, but on any regular ol' night....I'm in my jammies and crawling into bed to read, or write, or watch a movie.  And yes, my kids go to bed early.  This means that while I don't go to sleep til probably 11, I'm winding down from about 8 o'clock on.  But not yesterday.

And then right before I went to bed, I checked my email and my new twitter feed.  And then I felt kinda guilty....and more than guilty, I felt sad. 

In my inbox were feeds of blogs I subscribe to, and on twitter were some really short blurbs about how people were preparing their hearts and minds for this Easter's real show stopper.  And that reality stopped my own show right where I was.  I'd gotten so busy messing with a party, that I wasn't enjoying the heavy reality of what these days mean. 

We don't do the Easter Bunny around here.  Gasp now, because we don't do Santa either.  And while there hasn't been a lost tooth yet....the Tooth Fairy's chances aren't looking good.  (I'll explain more on all of that later on, but just know I'm not a Debbie Downer...I won't let my kid ruin it for yours and I don't have any issue with other people taking part in the imaginary fun in their families.)  So... while in our house, we go to lengths to make sure that a Jesus-related holiday isn't confused with something else, I realized that my own focus on something other than Him was actually just as disappointing.  It didn't matter that it wasn't a big white bunny, or Cadbury eggs, or the contents of a basket. 

But I tell you what, if the way my house looks, and the decorating, and the preparing, the flower arranging...if it all clouds my view of a Servant Savior who washed his friends' feet yesterday, and marched up a hill bearing the burden of a heavy cross laden with the sins of the world today, and spent 3 days DEAD....

all for me,

Then I'd say my view of the bigger picture might just as well be one of bunnies, and men in red suits, and fairies taking a tooth from under my pillow.  Because all of those things, while fun and pretty...they don't even know my name.  They aren't real.

So today as I look at the pouring rain outside, and realize that my plans of clipping flowers from my neighbors garden are all but dashed this morning...I find myself feeling more at peace.  The darkness still in my room reminding me of the darkness of these days we're in.  The darkness of my own sins reveling in trying to smother me....the sin of the world itching to snuff out all of creation.  The plan of one enemy to take it all and keep it for himself...and ruin something that was created for beauty.  And then... a Savior...who came to the earth clothed in rags, and hung on a cross in them again....buying it all back when he could've gotten down.

Paying it all.

Paying it all.

“This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” - Luke 22:19

And I find myself not looking as much towards a party at our house tomorrow, but a party in the Heavenlies on Sunday.

Perspective....renewed.

Tales of a Lesser Woman: Even Mommies Throw Temper Tantrums

I know, I know.  The title says it all doesn't it?

<-----This was pretty much me today...for most of the day.  I know, awesome right?!

Today wasn't my best day.  Not even close.  It started great, but ONE thing went differently than I expected and I'm sorry to say I let it ruin my attitude for the rest of the day.  Yes, I did say for the rest of the day.

Have you ever read "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" by Judith Viorst?

If not, you really should.  This poor kid Alexander just has it rough one day and nothing goes quite like he'd wanted or expected it to.  And whenever I read this to Tid Bit, I always mention what the author never does, and that is that we have a choice to let our disappointments continue to ruin our day or not. 

Today, I'm very embarrassed to say that I did not model that very good advice that I give to my own son.  And very unfortunately, he was completely aware of my crappy attitude and behavior....and during his prayers tonight prayed that I'd have a better day and a better attitude tomorrow.  WOW!  Nothing like a 4 year old's prayers to kick you in the pants!

So you're probably wondering what went wrong today and I wish I could say it was something truly awful, but it wasn't.  It all stemmed from me being selfish and just having a crappy attitude when things didn't go like I'd expected. 

This morning we were getting ready for church and I made sure that Hudson would squeeze in at least an hour nap so that hopefully, just hopefully I'd be able to sit through the entire service today.  I think I've mentioned before that in the 14 months since he was born, I have been able to sit through an entire church service just once without being called out to get him (or in the earlier days having to go out to nurse him.)  It's been a LONG time since I've been able to be a part of an entire service...and I really miss it.  And today was a special day because our church has been collecting offerings over the past month to distribute to 7 community organizations that benefit the homeless, the elderly, the orphaned, the widows, the poor in finances and in spirit.  Today, we were totalling the monies and distributing checks to these groups.  Last year the goal was to raise $16,000 and give each group $2K, but we ended up raising $64,000 and each group was given a check for $8K....obviously exciting to see how generous our church body has been.  (If your'e wondering, I think we have about 600 members.) And all of this is above the normal giving.  So this year we wanted to try to give more.  And I really wanted to be able to be a part of the celebration service today.  And the plan was to come a little late so that Hudson could nap, and hopefully I could be there for the whole service.

We walked in, and no sooner than I had begun to look for a seat, the children's pastor asked me if I could please help out in the nursery because they were short staffed.  And right there is where I let go of my day....because there, my friends, is where my expectations weren't met.

I'm sitting here typing and shaking my head at myself and my awful attitude.  I was upset because this one time I was really trying to make it work for me, and I was asked to work for someone else.  It's so ironic too...I fell apart because I wanted to be involved with serving "the greater good" with our community partners, but at the same time my entire attitude just frankly sucked at having to serve in a capacity different from what I had set my mind upon. 

And to add insult to injury, Hudson actually stayed in his nursery class the entire time.  I guess I should be thankful that he did it, but instead it just made me feel more upset that everything I had done to insure that had actually worked...and I didn't get any of the benefit of those efforts like I'd hoped today.

On the way home, Tid Bit pitched a fit because he didn't get to jump in the bounce house at the Celebration Lunch after church.  Then Hudson started crying too.  My head hurt because I had cried before I went in to work in the nursery, and I was even more frustrated feeling at the picnic with all of my friends who were talking about how amazing the service was...and to give over $12K to each community group this year...how incredible. (Which it is by the way!) But I had wanted to be there.  I felt rotten.  Then the Hubs said something that made me mad, but I don't even remember what it was, so by the time we got home, I was in tears, I yelled at Tid Bit, hit the side of the car (and busted a blood vessel in my finger), and to really add to my ridiculousness, I kicked a baby gate over on my way to put myself in Time Out in my room.  Wow....I am awesome...I behaved exactly like my almost 5 year old.  And now I'm telling you all about it. 

I, friends, had a temper tantrum.

Have I mentioned that I'm not 5... but 32?!

Hopefully by the end here, you will maybe feel sort of better if you too have days like this.  If you don't, then I really would like to soak up some of your awesomeness.

SO here's the thing that keeps coming in my mind today.  And if you know me well, I'm sure I've said this in person plenty of times too.  Thanks to my friend, Trisha, who years ago said something to me that has always stuck....

"Expectations are preconceived resentments."

And when you think about it....it's true.

How many times do we get bent out of shape because something didn't go like we expected?  We expected to have a great birthday present, but instead we got a movie that we didn't want in a bag with a kid picking his nose on it from our spouse.  We expected that our kids would love that we took them to the zoo, but instead they pitch an all out fit when we don't let them buy $10 worth of crackers to throw in the general direction of the giraffes who don't eat them.  We expect a raise in our job, but when it comes it's just a slap in the face.  And the list goes on doesn't it?

When we expect things to go one way....we often set ourselves up for disappointment and/or resentment when they don't.

And PS...  Life doesn't generally go as expected.

So today I'm reminded that I need to make sure that for one...I clearly need to get a good night's sleep tonight!  Two, my expectations need to be held more loosely.  And three, I need to remember that serving is serving....whether it's giving more than I'm comfortable with to the poor .....or helping out in the nursery so maybe someone new could put their kids in and enjoy the service.  Serving is serving.  And the reality is that no matter how you serve, it will require something of you.

Today for me, it required me to expect less and give more. And I sure hope that next time I do a better job of it in my heart as well.







What expectations do you have in your life that leave you throwing a tantrum when they're not met?  Do you place expectations on others that may set up your relationships with them for failure?  When life doesn't go like you expect, how do you respond?


I do want to say that today's response isn't my M.O. by any stretch of the imagination.  It was just one of those days where it all hit me wrong...and it probably doesn't help that I'm in a horomonal state of the month either...but still, no excuse.  I want you to know that this confession is sadly the truth, but that it's also not how I function normally when faced with a disappointment!

Food for Thought: Impossible Possibilities.... prayers for Japan.

I have a new piece of furniture I'm going to start working on here in a minute, but I just had to do a bit of writing first.  Sorry I didn't write yesterday...it was way too beautiful in SC to be inside typing.  We took our kiddos to the zoo, had a picnic, and the Hubs and I went on a date last night even.  It was a good day. 

This morning at church, I have to tell you...the part that I got to be in there for, it was good. (Side note here...I get called out EVERY single week...Little Bit misses his nap and just isn't happy back in the nursery.  Eventually, this too shall pass.)  Anyhow, my favorite part of the entire service was when our pastor and friend Rich led our entire church family in a time of prayer for Japan and all the victims of the earthquake and subsequent tsunami..

And some words that stood out to me were "Lord, we do not ascribe to you, the works of the enemy, because you are GOOD."

<---- This painting is by Katsushika Hokusai of a tsunami.  I think it looks like the break of the waves are evil hands reaching down.  And that's what I believe this was...evil hands reaching in.

Our world is a mess...natural disasters sure throw things into turmoil really fast, but I believe that God...the God who created the earth, will redeem this!  He will somehow make something that the enemy has used for destruction into good.  And I wish I could venture to guess how he will do that in the face of tens of thousands dead or missing, but I can't...and that's probably good, because my mind is limited...my thoughts are finite...God thinks in different terms than me.  What a relief, huh?!

Last night on our date, I saw and took a picture of this magnet.  I love what it says.....

To me, the best part about this quote isn't something that I thought of necessarily last night when I first read it.  And as I think more on it today, I find myself reminded that I've seen similar words before...and I find comfort in spending time thinking about things that seem impossible

because....

Matthew 19:26 - "with God all things are possible.”

Mark 10:27 - "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” 

Luke 18:27 - “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” 

And suddenly for Japan, I find myself thinking and praying that the 

possibilities are limitless.

- Logan 

 

Recipes for life...Pie!

Ok, so the pie I'm talking about here isn't exactly a real recipe per say.

I probably just lost half of you after reading that statement, huh?  So I'll make you a deal.  If you read this today, then tomorrow I'll post a recipe for a killer real pie, alright?!

The pie I'm talking about isn't usually as sweet, and I sure as heck don't look forward to it like I do to dessert at the end of a good meal.  The pie I'm talking about is none other than...

Humble Pie.

And i ate a big fat slice of it today and felt like I was going to throw up the whole time.  Then afterwards I cried...because the reality is that I should have stuffed piece that down my throat a long time ago.

You know they say that first impressions make lasting impressions....well they do.  But if every first impression I ever made was the one people went to the bank with, I'm POSITIVE that some of my most amazing friends wouldn't have ever come around to actually end up being my friend.

Several years back...and I do mean like 10, I remember meeting a girl at a restaurant after church one day with a big group of people.  I didn't remember her name, or even that I'd met her really til she reminded me much later on.  But apparently the first impression I made was horriffic!  I'm so embarrassed to tell you this, but before I tell you about the particular piece of pie I ate today, I wanted to let you know that in no way do I consider myself above this particular tragedy of a destroyed first impression.  Anyways, this friend (notice she is a friend now) seriously had to be convinced by multiple mutual aquaintances to give me another shot.  She thought I was awful!  And now we laugh about it, and when I think about myself 10 years ago, in a lot of ways I'm sure I can see how she may have thought that I was awful given impressions of only a few things about me, but boy am I glad she let me have another chance.  Because I can't tell you the ways this friend has changed my life...and one day I'll interview her on here because her story will change yours too.  All to say....I'm glad she didn't take my wretchedness of one encounter to the eternal bank with her....I'd have missed out big time!

Now about today...

Well over a year ago, I had a business encounter with a person that rubbed me so horribly wrong, I somehow just flat decided there was really nothing redeemable about the person.  (Mistake #1...and yes, I'm a big fat jerk.)  So for all this time since then, I've totally found something in me tense up even seeing the person, hearing other people say something relatively nice about the person and finding myself in complete doubt that the nicety could be true. (I know...I'm a jerk....but if we're being honest here, surely this has happened to you too.)  But I've just ignored it...and had no reason to really encounter or interact with this person at all since then.  So I pushed it to the back burner....which by the way will still boil over if you leave it long enough.

So lately we've found ourselves in a conundrum...the Hubs and I.  See, the very business need from before came up again.  And this time, there's a person the Hubs really likes working for this business that I was so offended by before.  But still, we'd like for said friend to benefit financially from a service we have no choice but to use someone to accomplish.  You see the conundrum?

Maybe you don't.  But it has been a conundrum for us.

But here's the deal about finding yourself in a conundrum.  You have to ask why you're in it, and sometimes you'll maybe realize you need to eat some humble pie... and then you have to actually admit that you may have been wrong.

GASP!

I will grant myself that it was a horriffic first meeting by multiple counts, but I have taken that encounter to the life bank about that person.  And I let it color how I view him/her, how I view the thoughts of others, how I feel in general.  That's a lot of coloring of a really ugly color.  And here's where I have been wrong.  I judged someone so severely because of one meeting.  Judgement isn't mine anyways...I'm just as sinful as the next person. And I'm thankful as all get-out that God is in the business of second chances...and thirds, and fourths...and more.  Because heaven knows I use those up for sure!

So today....I walked up to the person and introduced myself.  (I'm so horrified to even confess that I had to introduce myself...person didn't remember meeting me and here I've been harboring resentment.)  So I said "Hey, I'm Logan Wolfram.  And I need to ask for your forgiveness." 

Literally...that's exactly how I started out.  How's that for an intro?!

I can't imagine what the person must have been thinking at that moment, as I freaking introduced myself and in the same breath asked for forgiveness.  But, where I'd expected there to be something harsh about the person, I saw geunine concern and sorrow.  The person asked what they'd done and I shared a tad, but mostly just absorbed the blame because it really doesn't matter what they inadvertently did a year and a half ago.  It doesnt matter....and I let it matter so much for so long, that the problem became mine, not theirs. 

Get that...the problem became .... Mine.

And mostly then I wrapped it up, awkwardly hugged this person who's clearly not "a hugger" like I am, and then I walked back to where I'd been and sat down.

I cried then.  I cried because I felt free from bitterness.  I cried because I was mortified at my own wretchedness to hang on to something and make a mountain out of a mole hill.  And mind you that was a mountain that I had to climb....not the other person.

But you know what, that 3 minute interchange....it freed me up.  It freed the other person up too.  And in the time it took to do that, I wouldn't have even finished eating a real slice of pie.  This pie...it made room in my soul for something better.  And while it was definitely a harder pie to order, it's one that will leave me feeling much more satisfied with myself and my life in the long run.

- Logan

**Anyone or anything in your life maybe beckoning you to eat a slice of humble pie?  Once you order it, I promise you'll be glad you did.  So do it...and make room in your life for something much sweeter!

Food for Thought: A surprise in blogging....

Saturday!  Hello love!

The Hubs has a huge project at work right now and so is having to work from 6am-noon today.  Bummer!  The boys and I got out of the house at about 8:15 and walked all around my neighborhood for over an hour.  Glory glory!  Loving this amazing weather...hope it sticks!

I'm so new to this whole blogging thing as most of you know.  And over the past few days I've ended up sort of dancing around a whole bunch of blogs of people I don't know at all, but really think it'd be fun to get to know.  Now, I'm really big on relationships and by no means do I want to take time away from people in my here and now, but I love that this avenue connects people with similar interests and because of that really offers some fun inspiration.  I've heard in church over the years that true community is born from shared interests or activities, so I think it's neat to see how this avenue seems to offer that, even spanning time and distance.  And I can't help but think as I've surfed around several people's sites, that I've been surprised at what I'm seeing, displayed in the flesh and shared all around, so much of this :

A good woman is hard to find,         
   and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
   and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
   all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
   and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
   and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
   for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
   then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
   rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
   is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
   diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
   reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
   and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
   when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
   brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
   and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
   and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
   and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
   her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
   but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
   The woman to be admired and praised
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
   Festoon her life with praises!

Kinda cool huh?  Biblical model of womanhood...displayed on the internet!

Bring it ladies!

- Logan

Got milk?

For most of you...this phrase may conjure up images of famous people with milk mustaches.

For our family over the past 4 years it has been a source of oftentimes fear. 

When Tid Bit was about 4 months old and had been suffering from severe eczema and then blood in his diaper, our awesome pediatricians recommended that he be tested for food allergies.  To make a long story short, among a laundry list of things, he tested positive for a milk allergy.

"Milk?!  WHAT?!  Milk is in everything," I thought!

So since I was nursing him, I had to either stop nursing or cut it all from my diet.  So I cut it all out.  Which interestingly enough wasn't as awful as I thought once I got used to reading labels and found some things that I could use as good substitutes.  It turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I learned how to cook for the allergy for me, so by the time he was eating solid foods I had a really good handle on things.  (Aside here...If you have a dairy allergic child then email me anytime...I have LOADS of great substitutes I can share with you.  And for starters try this recipe for sugar cookies that I recently posted! You won't even know you don't have real butter in them!)

Anyways...milk/dairy has been a MAJOR no-no in our family.  And it only took one accidental sip of my husband's milk when Tid Bit was not even 2 to show us why.  After about 15 seconds, Tid Bit turned blue, was choking and couldn't breathe, and then after probably a minute of that (which seemed like an eternity) he threw up what had been liquid milk, but then had become a solid mass.  We stayed up most of the night both sleeping on his floor to make sure he was ok.  I've really never been so scared....ever.

So for over 4 years, we've been afraid of dairy.  We have lived in fear of something that seemed so normal to me for pretty much my whole life.

And even though my Little Bit is one now and it's ok to give a one year-old milk...I've been afraid to do it because of the situation with my other fella.

What if, right?

What if he's allergic too.  What if he reacts like Tid Bit did.  What if his body gets it and is poisoned by it too.  What if....what if...what if?!

But check this out....

This may just look like any baby drinking from a sippy cup to you.  But to me....to me, this is a picture of the faithfulness of God to my family.  This is a picture of my baby drinking real dairy milk for the first time, and while you can't tell in this picture at all...he LOVED it.  And, better than that, it seemed to love him back!

I don't know what made me do it beyond a really amazing group of friends around me this morning...but that was enough.  I thought to myself..."What if"...and the answer was "then God."

And so my friends prayed over my baby before I gave it to him.  And we sang happy birthday to our friend's son, and then Little bit drank some milk.  And I knew that the "what if's" were going to be ok because my friends would pray if there was an "if."  And "if" there was a problem, they'd get my other kiddo from school.  And "if" it wasn't good, they'd keep me calm.  And "if" I was scared and Little Bit was too...they'd pray all of heaven down on us.  And "if"... if anything... I could trust God.

So I did.

And my baby can drink milk.

And THAT reality of a blessing may seem small to many of you, but it brought tears to my eyes.  Because you know what.... there is blessing when we KEEP overcoming...

Got milk?

We do!

- Logan


PS. Tid Bit is still dairy allergic, but we believe that God is going to heal him of that some day soon....and that my friends will be a day to really remember too!

Drinking in...a nice tall glass of fresh perspective.

Most of you will read this in the morning, but I just have to end this day and today's earlier post with the fresh dose of perspective that I got tonight.

I don't think my perspective was totally off earlier, I mean, it was authentic and all, but now, it's just better.

Fresher.

So get this...

"If we go through nothing, then we have nothing to overcome.
 We can't overcome something that we never underwent."

I wish I could somehow condense the 75 minute video that I watched tonight and make my words hold the same power for you that this anointed teacher's words held for me.  I wish I could...because it was SO GOOD.

But let me do the best that I can and tell you what I want to go to sleep thinking about tonight.

I want to go to sleep remembering that God delights in me.  He created me (and you) to overcome adversity...or just the doldrums even. (Which is where I spent most of my emotional energy today....the doldrums that is.  I'm glad my day is ending outside of that pit!)

And I've been struck by some things I heard... and some things that keep coming to me.

•  God blesses those who keep overcoming.  
•  Overcoming is active...not passive.  
•  It's putting one foot in front of the other and knowing that my footsteps are known by The Creator of the universe!  
•  There is blessing in perseverance.  And overcoming with perseverance. 

Let us be full of joy now! Let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance.  And endurance develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character of this sort produces the habit of joyful and confident hope. And, such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.  (Rom 5:2-6)

I love that thought.  Mature character produces a joyful HABIT!  So then, perseverance produces a joyful habit?!...love that!  It's so A=B, and B=C, so A=C!

"Are your ears awake? Listen... To him who overcomes and is victorious, I will grant to eat of the fruit of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God." Rev 2:7

Blessing in perseverance my friends....and perseverance produces conquering and overcoming.  Full of JOY I tell you!

SO...I think I will say this for myself and for all of the rest of you who relate all too well to the exhaustion of life...We are MORE THAN conquerors. We were designed that way.  And when life starts to get us down...Rise up and overcome.  Overcome... and then help someone else do the same!

much love,
Logan

Oh, and one more thing I wanted to share from tonight.  I think I could watch this video over and over.  I love this man's voice, but it's the words that bring chill bumps all over me.  It's 3 1/2 minutes...but worth thinking about for a lifetime.

**With regards to today's earlier post though, which was legitimate... just so you know...I will be getting in a little bit of "me time" in not too long.


I'd thought I might end this day with a glass of sangria.  This night cap was WAY better.

Food for Thought

I was just lying in bed unable to fall asleep and thinking of the silly things i was going to post on here next, but before i did it i thought I'd check my facebook page and make a quick run through the home page.  Suddenly, silly turned to serious, and again i felt my heart stirring for something i think the Lord continues to place in front of me.

Injustice.

In keeping with the food analogy that i injected into this blog name "Life for Dessert", i thought I'd have a section (a tab one day when i figure it out) that I'm going to call "Food for Thought."  I think when it comes to writing, I'm probably more of a "dot dot dot (...)", run-on-sentence, sometimes improperly punctuated, and likely not eloquent type of writer.  Not saying that makes me a failure or anything, but we all know the people who put spaces in between thoughts, highlight words to pierce them into your soul, write with an underlying poetry and truth that make you want to go out and affect the world for change.  My friend Laura is one of those people.

Laura is a childhood friend...one of those where your hearts are knit together, so near and dear, true and forever kind of friendship.  The kind where even if you didn't speak for ages, you'd pick right back up with the truth and intimacy that was there in past years.  She is genuine, kind, humble, and amazing.  She and her husband, Matt, have literally taken the road less travelled and moved along with their 3 gorgeous toe-headed children to Thailand.  Matt took a job as a director of an orphanage there called Breanna's House of Joy.  It was established to keep girls out of the sex slave industry and gives them education and hope for the future.

Anyways, that brief introduction is completely inadequate, but you get the drift.  I just read a post that Laura did today and my heart filled with tears...my heart ya'll...FULL. OF. TEARS!  If you'll allow me to, I'd love to point you to her page.  She's a lovely writer, but that's probably because she's one of the loveliest people I've ever known. EVER!  I'd encourage you to check out today's post she did called "Children with Roses."  She isn't always a heavy writer, so don't be scared off from her page because this one is in your face hard truth...but as silly gave way to serious tonight, i thought I'd be being insincere myself if i wrote about anything but this.

Thanks to all of you for reading, stopping by, taking the time to jump elsewhere and do some thinking.  Because if our whole life was just about enjoying our own sweet moments, i think we might be missing a bigger picture that some people's lives just aren't like dessert at all.

So check her out...HERE. Life Overseas - Children with Roses