Oh ya'll, today I had a moment.
I bet you were wondering how long it'd be before the crazy person in me decided to jump out and surprise us all again. Aren't you glad you didn't have to wait too too long? Yeah...sorry to say I guess I'm a little predictable like that. But the crazy person made an appearance today for sure. This time instead of a mother bear
though, it was more like this....
A Mean Old Lady
What I really want to say is "mean old bitty," but I won't say that...at least not in enlarged font.
So here's the scenario. I'm standing in my living room talking to 2 friends...one who was hanging out and the other who stopped by to drop off a gift for a lingerie shower I'm throwing this weekend. We are all three standing there talking, and out of the corner of my eye I see a golf cart with freaking monster truck tires driving like a bat out of hell around the corner. The thing almost flips over as they round the corner, they do like 3 donuts in the culdesac, pull forward and then back up into my yard (over the curb mind you) and begin taunting my dogs.
I had visions of a 15 year old boy flipping (yes flipping) his car into my back neighbor's front yard and taking out their mailbox about 2 years ago. Every time I have that vision...that memory...I also think about what if that mailbox had been my kid innocently playing in the front yard. And I get fired up.
The 3 dog-taunters driving this donut-doing, souped up golf cart today happened to be probably 13 year old boys. They didn't have a care in the world, weren't paying a lick of attention to anything around...probably because they had their heads so far up their....well, you get the picture. They were being reckless. And on our culdesac we have 5 young kids who often play in our front yards.
About the time I saw them backing over the curb into my yard and taunting my dogs, I thought it was time to, you know...take the gloves off and have a nice little chat.
I marched outside and started motioning them to stop the cart and get it out of my yard. The boy driving was still not paying ANY attention until one of his buddies practically smacked him in the back of the head to turn around. The kid looked at me and started to speed away and I walked right up to the side of the golf car and said "You stop this cart right now." And then the following conversation ensued:
Me: "You boys need to be careful out here. There are 5 small children who live on this street and there is absolutely no reason for you to be joyriding like fools on it. I don't appreciate you driving your cart into my yard and I don't appreciate you bothering my dogs. Now... You driving, what is your name?!"
Boy: *whispering* "Matt"
Me: "Matt? Matt what?"
Boy: "Matt buzzulubumblezzzmmmzzmmm" (that's me doing my best to show you a mumble)
Me: "I'm sorry Matt, what is your full name"
Boy: "Matt buzzulubumblezzzmmmzzmmm"
Me: "Matt, I cannot understand what your name is when you say 'Matt buzzulubumblezzzmmmzzmmm,' so how about if you speak clearly and tell me your last name."
Boy: "Matt Simpkins. (and then he tried to get all tough on me) Why do you want to know?!"
Me: "So Matt, that I can know who's mother I'm calling today. Now you boys go home and I do not expect to see you driving like this down my street again."
If I ever wondered if I have reached full maturity as an adult up til now, I'd say with that little motherly tirade today, all questions have been fully answered. Indeed, I am a grown up. A mean old mommy who ruins other people's fun. And I don't feel one bit sorry about it either.
I may like to think that I'm cool and hip and young, but truth is, I'm just another old lady ready to smoke anybody who messes with my family....
*I changed the kid's name here just to be nice.
Labels: life, Tales of a Lesser Woman